We’ll Be Okay

Thank you everyone for all of the love and support.  In many ways we’re still wrapping our heads around everything and in many ways we’re moving ahead.

I was preparing myself for the news for almost a month, I think it helped shorten the grieving process in all, but now I find my confidence shaken deeply and that will take a while to heal.  While I know the facts about miscarriage it is hard not think about it all on a much more personal level and since I’ve really feared that I would not be able to have a child past 30 (30 being the oldest any recent relative has had a child – parents, aunts, grandparents, great-grandparents) it’s a little scary.

While I still hope my fears are proven wrong it’s also given me a lot to think about as to the size of our family.  I’m surrounded by wonderful people with wonderful, growing families – would I be comfortable with only one?

In the end I know I would be; I am an only child and while a little on the lonely side growing up it’s not the end of the world, but it does make me a little sad to think of – potentially not having another chance at labor and delivery, or first steps or first words.  It might not be our future, but it might be and I guess I’d rather be prepared for all the outcomes in the end.

This weekend, thanks to an understanding boss who gave me a little extra time off to process, we went on an impromptu mini-vacation to the Omaha Zoo.  I wanted to do something fun with just the three of us to prove that if it stays just us that it will be okay. 

I know that in the end I’m happy with what I have; grateful even. 

We’ll be okay.

9 thoughts on “We’ll Be Okay

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  1. i am so sorry for your loss. i have had 4 miscarriages myself over the last almost 19 years of baby making. it doesn't matter how far along you were, they were your baby and will always be your baby. many many hugs.
    i wanted to add that it may take awhile to process this loss, but when ever you are ready you could try again. many many hugs ((hugs))

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  2. I've been on this wavelength recently. I know we have 5 and our first loss happened on #6…but I've had those thoughts — “am I okay if this is it?” More and more every day, I think I am. I miss Gregory terribly…I'm still processing this grief that I had no idea would be so heavy. But, his place is with God and someday I'll get to see him and hold him,I hope.

    For you, I wish the same. I pray for peace for you and for myself. Losing a child is one of the most heart-wrenching, difficult, confusing and sorrowful crosses.

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  3. Molly, I just saw this news and I wish I could give you a big hug right now. I'm so sorry for what you are going through, but no matter what happens in the future I know you'll have a beautiful, loving family around you. Be kind to yourself as you grieve, and know that we're thinking of you. *hugs*

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  4. Hugs to you. I've been finding myself thinking the same thing, to be honest. I find myself looking at my son and consciously trying to shift my imagining him surrounded by the ghost, yet-to-be brood I've always planned and projected, which is almost never part of my conscious thoughts but really does linger just out of sight all the time, to the possibility of just him, with no siblings. I'm Catholic, you know? I married young. I always thought there would be lots of time, that if we just did our best and prayed enough we'd have a happy shiny 6-kid homeschooled family. … but maybe not. I am learning to accept the possibility that I may not get to plan my family's size the way I thought… so… I hear you.

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