Thank you everyone for all of the love and support. In many ways we’re still wrapping our heads around everything and in many ways we’re moving ahead.
I was preparing myself for the news for almost a month, I think it helped shorten the grieving process in all, but now I find my confidence shaken deeply and that will take a while to heal. While I know the facts about miscarriage it is hard not think about it all on a much more personal level and since I’ve really feared that I would not be able to have a child past 30 (30 being the oldest any recent relative has had a child – parents, aunts, grandparents, great-grandparents) it’s a little scary.
While I still hope my fears are proven wrong it’s also given me a lot to think about as to the size of our family. I’m surrounded by wonderful people with wonderful, growing families – would I be comfortable with only one?
In the end I know I would be; I am an only child and while a little on the lonely side growing up it’s not the end of the world, but it does make me a little sad to think of – potentially not having another chance at labor and delivery, or first steps or first words. It might not be our future, but it might be and I guess I’d rather be prepared for all the outcomes in the end.
This weekend, thanks to an understanding boss who gave me a little extra time off to process, we went on an impromptu mini-vacation to the Omaha Zoo. I wanted to do something fun with just the three of us to prove that if it stays just us that it will be okay.
I know that in the end I’m happy with what I have; grateful even.
We’ll be okay.