I’m afraid that title was just to get your attention. There is no news on my front other than the ceaseless blood draws and endless waiting.
I wish so much I had news, everyone else has news and I’m happy for them.
Instead it’s January 3rd. My original due date and I just feel empty and so, so disappointed in myself.
I know it was completely to with chromosomes – something I have no control over, but the feeling remains.
We have to keep waiting – until the hormones are gone, until the body cycles back around. If I’m reading thing right I’m looking at March – one year from trying for more children – to start trying again. It took 15 months to get my beautiful baby boy. I’m coming up on another year of trying. I’ve spent a third of my married life trying to have children with no luck.
I’ll go back to being smiling and happy in a little bit. I’ll bury the envy and jealousy that’s been eating me alive all year, but for right now this is where I’m at and I just need to be.