I’m afraid that title was just to get your attention.  There is no news on my front other than the ceaseless blood draws and endless waiting.

I wish so much I had news, everyone else has news and I’m happy for them.

Instead it’s January 3rd.  My original due date and I just feel empty and so, so disappointed in myself.

I know it was completely to with chromosomes – something I have no control over, but the feeling remains.

We have to keep waiting – until the hormones are gone, until the body cycles back around.  If I’m reading thing right I’m looking at March – one year from trying for more children – to start trying again.  It took 15 months to get my beautiful baby boy.  I’m coming up on another year of trying.  I’ve spent a third of my married life trying to have children with no luck.

I’ll go back to being smiling and happy in a little bit.  I’ll bury the envy and jealousy that’s been eating me alive all year, but for right now this is where I’m at and I just need to be.

17 thoughts on “News

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  1. Oh Molly I hear you. It's been over a year for us, too. As depressing as it is not to conceive at all, miscarriages sound way harder. You had an actual child who slipped through your fingers. I can't even imagine. And all those blood draws! What a nightmare!!

    I so get the feeling of disappointment with yourself. I feel like I must be doing something wrong. Why can't I do something that EVERYBODY else can do (with such ease)?? It was worse with primary infertility, but the feeling is still there this time around, too. And the envy and jealousy? Yep. I know that, too. I can hardly even look at all the round bellies without feeling a little sick.

    This has to be such a hard day for you. I wish we could get together and feel bummed out together, and then watch our adorable children and remember out loud how very blessed we still are, even if life isn't quite going as planned. Hugs.


  2. Prayers Molly. It's where I'm at too. My would have been due date is coming up in two weeks and I just feel so discouraged. I keep trying to tell myself that it's a new year with new beginnings but I still feel empty. I chose St. Gerard as my Patron saint for this year so I will keep you in my prayers as well. God Bless!


  3. I will keep saying prayers for you. While I'm not in exactly the same place, my husband and I have been trying for another baby for the last 18months, we've had a couple of false positives (or perhaps chemical pregnancies), it's been really hard to watch people conceive and have babies.. the jealousy's been there too.
    I have to try to remember the blessings that I do have. It's not easy, but I've been trying.
    ~Ruth Anne


  4. Oh Molly, what a difficult day for you! And to know you have another one to endure this year – just awful! I don't know what it feels like (yet) but I know that my due date in May will be difficult as well, but I look it as a milestone to get through and imagine that it will be much more peaceful once I'm in the other side. I hope you start to feel better as the day passed, especially once you get through the next due date and also that you have a happy, healthy pregnancy on the horizon.


  5. oh, gosh, I will say some prayers for you. I know what you are feeling, except each month starts over as routine. I have endo which makes infertility make sense, but it doesn't make it any easier.


  6. I'm so sorry to hear this – I often feel ashamed sharing my frustrations about this because I know there are women and families going through so much worse than I. Prayers for you and yours. =)


  7. I know how very devastating this is and my heart goes out to you. Before having my 2 children, I had 4 miscarriages, and so many blood draws and really no answers.N That was a really dark and sad time for me, and every time I passed a due date I got pretty down. It passed, life went on, but it really hurt.

    I hope you have brighter days ahead. I have a feeling that you will.


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