This is Love

I swear I haven’t given up blogging, and no lovely friends as much as I wish I was withholding a fantastic baby related secret…. there is nothing (other than good, normal health) to report.  I’ve been taking a lot of time this month to do a number of things.  One has been my little Usborne “business” which is actually doing nicely – I’ve had 1-2 Facebook “parties” a week to manage and that takes a nice chunk of time.  I’ll be doing a really fun fundraiser next week that I can’t wait to tell you about.

Apart from that I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.

I don’t have his awesome hair… but I do break into song on a regular basis…

I’ve been thinking a lot about goals and priorities and comfort.  I have a very comfortable life, and many of the things I know I want will require me to step out of the comfortable place and that’s scary.

I don’t do scary very well.  Those who’ve known me for a few years know that pattern and comfort help keep my anxiety in check and there’s a certain level of comfort and stability that I need to function, but lately I’ve felt that I’ve crossed a line.

So my goals during Lent have been to really reflect and challenge myself in certain areas of comfort – I’ve been looking at our spending, our food, our lifestyle and general and trying to figure out how to get things back to the simple living equilibrium that I love.

Another portion of my goals have been to find a way or at least formulate a plan in regards to certain aspects of my vocation.  After careful consideration and a lot of prayer I’m currently at peace with the idea that I will probably never be a full-time stay at home mother.  I’m still sad about this, but there’s a light at the end of the tunnel in regards to how long I need to remain a full time employee outside of the home.  It’s not right around the corner, but it’s on the horizon and if I can get the first part of the equation balanced out I know we can get there.

I started reading “A Story of a Soul” this week.  The whole Martin family has really touched my heart in the past few weeks, but that’s for another time.  In “A Story of a Soul” St. Therese speaks of being separated from her beloved sisters and how much pain and sadness it caused her.  I know this all too well as it’s becoming harder and harder to leave for work each day and I miss my son fiercely.  She explains how she came to understand that these little separations were a sacrifice she was being asked to make for God.

My child is well cared for, provided for and loved immensely and at this point in his life I have to make sacrifices to accomplish this.  I choose to see it as sacrificing my time with him, not his time with me or our time together, but rather the way I wish I could spend my own time.  I am being asked to sacrifice something I want so dearly – my comfort, my wants, how I’d love to spend my time –  for someone so important to me and that is love.

One thought on “This is Love

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  1. Oh Molly, I understand that sadness. I'm very happy for the break from work, but I know full well that it's likely only temporary. Throughout my reflections, the theme has started low and become strong, that if I have to work for my family, I want it to be something that gives glory to God, preferably that sounds on the chords of my being. So that's not easy, but I can see you starting to do just that in the Usborne business, and that makes me smile!

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