This was going to be a different post. I had it all concocted in my mind. I was going to allude to the fact that I managed to sneak someone into the Edel Conference without Jen or Hallie ever knowing. I was going to leave you suspense until the end when I finally revealed that I managed this bit of trickery thanks to a very small person hiding in my womb. It was going to be a great post. There were going to laughter and tears, just like the brunch date with blogging friends that Saturday when I got to tell them in person. It was going to be perfect.
But, this is not that post.
I cannot write that post because it is no longer true. This baby, my third since last April, has passed on to it’s home in Heaven. By the looks of things, the baby probably passed away not long after that brunch celebration. I go in for a D&C on Friday to avoid the complications that drew out my previous losses much further than they needed to go.
Because of the progress this pregnancy made we will hopefully get a few more questions answered. Because this is my third there will be many more blood draws, tests and consultations in my future and I don’t know what our decision will be when it’s all over. I’m quickly approaching the age where most women in my family find their reproductive abilities compromised due to one thing or another. While I refuse to give up hope I also feel a hand guiding me towards acceptance. We might be surprised in the future, and it might well be that unbeknownst to us Henry was a miracle. While I might find out that what’s wrong may be treatable with blood thinners or supplements; most likely we’ll find out that our issues are genetic in nature and cannot be worked around.
We have big decisions ahead of us and I have no idea what the future holds any more.