I never really expected an identity struggle to be part of this process. It is easy to say “Oh you have children/a child; you’re still a mother” and that is true. But for a mother of one in this situation it’s not quite enough. I am a mother, but I don’t feel like I qualify in so many areas. I only have one small sphere of experience – I have no suggestions on so many topics because they either require the experience of managing multiple children or experiences that you don’t necessarily get with one kid. There are personalities, illness, experiences that I’ve just never experienced and perhaps never will.
My friends swap stories about dealing with kids in different situation or challenging personalities and I feel I have nothing to add to the conversation. I have all these things I’ve done in three and half years and it doesn’t really feel like it counts for much.
So I guess I don’t really know who I am any more and I feel like such an outsider to it all. All the experience I have, everything I can be identified with is not what I wish to give. I don’t want to be *that* working mom. I don’t want to be the one that people come to see if it’s possible to raise an un-spoiled only child. I don’t want to be the one that people come to see a multiple miscarriage, infertility “survivor”.
What do you do when you hate what defines you?