Pray, Hope, Donut Worry – A Post-Mass Donut Guide

Did you know a very important feast day is coming up?  No, not Leggings for Michaelmas!  September 23rd : The day we remember St. Padre Pio by eating copious amounts of donuts.  Officially known henceforth as the Feast of Pray, Hope, Donut Worry.  Never heard of this particular tradition?  That’s okay…. I made it up a few weeks ago and it needs to be a thing.

Did you know that your post-Mass donut selections have a lot to do with your personal spiritual journey?  It does!  It’s as important as picking a religious order or being sorted into your Hogswart House.

Franciscan, Dominican, Carmelite, Jesuit? The sorting hat knows!

So what does your donut choice say about you?  Read on to find out!

Rainbow Sprinkle – You are a Post-Vatican II Poster Child.  You love your Novus Ordo, holding hands during the Our Father and the drum kit accompaniment really stirs something in your soul.  You keep tagging Pope Francis on Twitter when you share your most recent Liturgical dance number, but he hasn’t responded…. yet.

Cake Donut – You are a solid Traditional Catholic.  You probably went to Catholic school and remember to give up something on Fridays and eat a lot of fish during Lent.  Your car has a St. Christopher Medal attached to it somewhere and you have at least one Marian statue in your yard.  You have, at least, one child named John Paul, Gianna or Francis/Frances.

Glazed Cake Donut – See above, but it’s a Feast Day or you remembered to go to Confession.

Maple Bacon Donut – You are a Catholic Hipster.  You’re probably a convert, have read the entire Summa and celebrate obscure Feast Days.  In fact, the reason you’ve selected this particular donut is in celebration of St. Anthony the Abbot, the Patron Saint of Bacon… didn’t everyone know that?

Paczki – You are an Eastern Rite Enthusiast.  You enjoy standing and have an affinity for beards.  Your home has at least one  wall full of Icons and prefer your saints to be of “hermit in the woods” variety. 

Cream Filled Donut – You are a Rad Trad.  You prefer your Masses daily, your Missal in Latin, your incense thick and musky and consider any Church hymns produced after 1837 as too modern for your taste.  You blame Vatican II for the decrease in cream filled donut selection and the paltry substitute of jelly filled in their place.

This is why we can’t have nice things, Vatican II.

Donut Holes – You are a Protestant, it’s not so much partaking in the donut, but having something to remind you of what the donut stands for.

 What donut are you?

15 thoughts on “Pray, Hope, Donut Worry – A Post-Mass Donut Guide

  1. Molly, I’m dying!! This is HILARIOUS!! What donut would you recommend for a mainstream, middle of the road, cradle Catholic who converted her Methodist husband? πŸ˜‚


  2. This was awesome and dead on! lol Traditional straight up glazed cake donut Catholic, with a Mary statue in my garden that my daughter Gianna Marie helped me to plant.


  3. Hilarious. I am a gluten free cake donut girl. Just like Nicole above, your description of me is dead on – daughter Gianna Elizabeth, lover of Marian statues and all. And yes, we do glazed for special feast days.


  4. Bwahahaha! Love it!
    But what doughnut is proper for the “chained for life to the Vigil Mass because no one else’s kids will altar serve on a Saturday night?” πŸ˜‰
    I want the Spirituality Sorting Hat to come perch on my noggin!

    Liked by 1 person

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