On our wipe board calendar, I have written a quote by G.K. Chesterton:
“The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul…”
While everyone is off choosing saints and words and lists and books (which I will admit I do for my own planning and amusement) I feel the need to do a bit more this year and I can’t quite put my finger on it.
A friend of mine reflected recently on her Instagram account and how it reflected her change from “do-er” to “make-er”. How it was a visual representation of a change in her life. I feel that same nudge, something is different. I’ve spent the last few years learning and growing and inspiring and arguing and so often when I sit down to write in this space I’m at a loss for words. I have nothing to share and I close my laptop and go and do something else – I read, I sew, I play some music, I play with the kids. It doesn’t feel like enough to say that I’m just “doing” or “making”. It feels as if I’ve moved in a period of life of application and experience. What’s important is not what I can reflect or share – which is why my fingers feel empty of words so much at the keyboard – but what I’m gathering.
I think that’s it (I apologize as I’m doing this a bit stream of consciousness). If the last few years have been years of planting, tending, and trial and error I’m now in a season of gathering. I’m not sure if it’s gathering a harvest or gathering tools for the future. Perhaps, in all honesty, it’s a bit of both because if you garden you reap your harvest while preparing the soil for the future – you eat the food and save the seeds.
So perhaps 2018 isn’t about Saints and reading plans and words to guide me; perhaps 2018 is when I enter my gathering season. It’s a time to do and experience and make and give. It’s a time to gather – to gather people and be among them, to gather the fruits of skills I’ve spent years developing, to gather experiences both for future use and just for the joy of the moment.
It feels strange, having spent so much time cultivating something that hinged on ability and desire to share and engage, to say “now is the time for me to go and just be”, but that feels right. I don’t think it means I’m leaving this space at all, maybe just starting to find a new way to use it. Perhaps instead of this space being intended to share it needs to be a place to gather… I wonder what that will look like?