Not Feeling It

It’s Holy Week and I guess I should be sharing my grand plans, but I as I said in the last post I’ve been giving myself permission to let go of my high liturgical aspirations. I’ve got a couple little Oriental Trading Company crafts to do with the kids about Holy Week and Easter and I’m going to try to remember to pick up cinnamon rolls to make for Friday morning. I’m going to skip ahead in Henry’s Religious Ed book and read some of the chapters having to do with Holy Week and Easter over the next few nights.

I have stuff ready to go for Easter baskets and it looks like all hopes for an outdoor Easter Egg hunt are on hiatus due to last weeks lingering snow. In true fashion, I miscalculated my weekend off and have to work for the next 5 days straight which honestly means it’s all feeling a bit anti-climactic. I struggle with feeling the weight and significance of this week, to begin with, and then to be so disconnected with it due to life just being life really makes my head spin.

I really haven’t figured out the way to experience this week in my real life yet, and I think that’s the key is that I need to figure out how to feel this in the way my life is. I didn’t grow up with this week being very ritualized and it still feels foreign. I’m thinking that maybe I need to find ways to live this out in action to better help me internalize it all. Maybe next year I need to set aside some time on Thursday or Friday to do some volunteering at our Catholic Worker House (it’s been on my list to get involved). Maybe I need to find something we can do to serve those who feel hopeless and abandoned on Saturday, because just sitting around feeling Solemn is not enough for me. Don’t get me wrong, I love the Mass and its importance, but I’m a do-er. I need to experience my faith in a very active way and this year it’s become obvious that I need to find ways to make my Holy Week experience more active. I have no idea how to do this- but it gives me something to work on for next year.

I’m going to try to get us to Mass tomorrow night and I’m hoping that helps me reconnect with it all. I can never go to 3 p.m. Good Friday stuff because of work, maybe one year I’ll finally remember to ask for extra time off to better experience it, but maybe I can run in for a little adoration on the way home or after the kids go to bed.

I do love the Easter Vigil, but unless the kids stay with Grandma that night we’re just not in a good place to take the whole family. I think I’ll probably end up with the kids at the 6 p.m. Newman Center Mass on Sunday.

One good thing that I’m reminding myself is that Easter is a season and not just a day – it’s okay if we don’t fill every moment of that Sunday with all the celebrations and traditions and fancy dresses and all those things, I’ve got time to celebrate it all.

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